LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
