So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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