The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize