OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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