I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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