I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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