I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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