So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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