So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
