i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
