Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
