i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
