You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
