I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
