This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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