i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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