Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
