Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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