My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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