so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
