whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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