They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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