brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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