I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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