Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She announced her abortion via fbk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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