sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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