His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
