I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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