i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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