you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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