I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize