You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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