My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
