I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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