That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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