We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
