U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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