I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
