Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
