My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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