I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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