I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pants are for mortals
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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