I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
