In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
