I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
