Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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