I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
