You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
