like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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