You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
