You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
