Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
