you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
