Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
