Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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