Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
