You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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