I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
