I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
