have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
