I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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